I absolutely love this poem because I know the feeling the
narrator is going through, someone so close to him/her is dying and the only
way that they can react is to put on fake optimism but also being scared to
come in contact with the carrier of a deadly disease. “The body rescinding all
its normal orders/ to all the defenders of flesh, betraying the head, / pulling
its guards back from all its borders” (lines 4-6) it’s so depressing how much
truth there is in these lines, when we need our immune system the most it just
lets us down. The comparison of our blood cells being the guards just breaks my
heart because everyone in Bill’s family are watching him die because his body
“gave up”. The last line has to be my very favorite “we didn’t know what look
would hurt you least” because it acknowledges that Bill might just want the
truth, he could want everyone to cry and deal with the pain now so it doesn’t
accumulate later in life. Even the first three lines of the poem lets you know
the true confusion you get when you’re faced with death, “We did not know the
first thing about / how blood surrenders to even the smallest threat / when old
allergies turn inside out”.
Those three beginning lines even go with the
perception of AIDS in the late 80’s, no one knew what to expect because all you
could really believe was the completely false rumors. The poem itself reminds
me of a beginning of a story, I want to know so much more about the narrator
and Bill’s relationship because there’s obviously so much more to them. The
narrator was close enough to visit Bill on his deathbed and to me that’s such
an intimate and personal experience. The narrator didn't seem like they’d be a
mother or father though because of their scared smiles, I feel that if the
narrator was Bill’s parent it’d be more heart wrenching. “If we had more, we
would have given you more” (line 13) this line is extremely noteworthy because
to me it’s the whole premise of the poem, everyone in Bill’s family wants to
give him more sympathy or hope but how can you when you know in the end he is
going to die?
This poem was so sad. Reading it breaks my heart because I think we can all relate to this poem in some way or another. I drew a very personal connection to this because when I was young my grandfather was very ill and the doctor’s let us know that he only has a couple weeks left to live. Knowing that someone special to you is going to die is heart breaking because you know you can’t do anything about it, but just hope. I totally agree with Kolbi, my favorite line was also the last line; “We didn’t know what look would hurt you least”. You would think that by not telling the ill person the truth you’re helping them, but sometimes that’s not always true. I remember seeing my grandpa on his hospital bed and all he wanted were smiles from us because that’s the last image he wanted to take with him.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree and disagree, with you Kolbi. This was a major point in medical history when Aids first broke out. There was a lot of scares, but to me it seemed like they wanted to avoid him, they didn’t even what him to touch them. I know that was out of fear of aids but aids can’t be transfused through the skin unless there is a cut or open sore. Did they no want him to touch them because they didn’t know that or was it just paranoia that they had? This also made me think, that you can have aids and not know it for a really long time, could Bill have passed it around to the people he knew?
ReplyDeleteThis poem was very touching although I've never experienced a nearby death first hand.The speaker showed strength in this poem. He/she was afraid and wasn't quite sure how to react, but they showed love to Bill because that's what they felt and it was easiest to show. But as I read Danielle's response to Kolbi, it made me draw a conclusion. Maybe the speaker wasn't just afraid for Bill. Maybe he/she was scared for himself or others knowing that AIDs could easily take your life. Bill just happened to be the first one down. Not only did the narrator lose someone special they got a reality check as well.
ReplyDelete(I am sorry I cannot write succinctly. The following is more like a blog than a response.)
ReplyDeleteI immediately thought of "In Time of Plague" by Thom Gunn when I read this poem, even just reading the title. Both were written during the years were the AIDS 'epidemic' was new and unknown and frightening, and both reflect the fear and reluctance to touch others generated by that lack of knowledge, though from varying viewpoints.
"Thinking about Bill, Dead of AIDS" is quite obviously from the standpoint of someone close to Bill, but who is heterosexual, and accordingly more removed from the disease. (During its early years, AIDS was a disease most common among homosexuals.) The speaker loves Bill, but does not know how to interact with him. (At that time, also, people were unsure about how AIDS spread.) There is a degree of abhorrence apparent in the speaker's tone, and a high level of fear.
"In Time of Plague," the speaker is a homosexual man, and so operates on a different plane of fear. It is much more immediate (though just as little understood), and runs in his personal circle. He is both repulsed and attracted to the people around him, just as he both fears and longs for fulfillment of his own potential.
Neither speaker knows how to handle this alien disease, and in the end, both withhold from interacting with others because of their respective fears at encountering the unknown.